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For Parents Toddlers

有孩子的生活-巩固婚姻的10种方法

成为父母是夫妻人生中的转折点。

在没孩子之前,夫妻二人可能较多地在亲密交谈、计划度假和约会之夜。而现在你们忙着给孩子换尿布或者带孩子,还记得你们上次牵手是什么时候吗?

即使已经结婚甚至成了父母,也要记得一起享受时光哦!

面对需要您照顾的小宝宝和大量与宝宝相关的话题,夫妻对彼此的关注就像忽隐忽现的火苗,越来越少。那么父母可以通过哪些事情来巩固婚姻并保持浪漫呢?毕竟在成为父母之前,你们先成为了伴侣,这使你们的关系能够增进和长久。

#1: 换位思考

听起来可能很容易,但当我们承担多重角色和责任并专注完成任务时,我们可能很少花时间关注自己的伴侣。白天可以给妻子发短信说“我爱你”,或者在漫长的一天结束后,送妻子一份她最喜欢的蛋糕来给她惊喜。让妻子知道您在意她!将想法转化为填补伴侣爱槽的行动,知道有人在想你也是一种美妙的感觉,不是吗?

 

#2: 说出正确的爱的语言

还记得只属于你们两个人的浪漫时光吗?还记得懵懂的恋爱感觉吗?您伴侣的爱的语言很有可能还和以前一样,即使是有了争夺你的爱的孩子。Gary Chapman著有《爱的五种语言》一书,书中表示男人和女人有各种方式来“感受”被爱,所以花点时间记住伴侣的爱的语言,是言语赞美、照顾对方、身体接触、接受礼物还是共度美好时光呢?这些方式都有利于维持婚姻的健康发展。

 

#3: 创造性的沟通技巧

夫妻二人在一天中的大部分时间里通常都是相互分开的,但这不应成为缺乏沟通的原因。用些技巧和创造力可以与伴侣保持亲密关系以及新鲜感。白天没时间见面?可以快速地聊天五分钟,或是通过WhatsApp、微信和韦伯来发短信,添加一个可爱的表情或有趣的自拍。如果我们在家庭中的角色受到赞赏,我们会非常开心,就像妻子会和丈夫分享共同携手努力的真诚想法,这会让丈夫在一天疲惫的工作后倍感欣慰,因为他知道妻子会永远在身边支持他。

孩子就像婚姻的支柱,夫妻的爱建立在支柱之上并不断巩固。

 

#4: 对伴侣要更加耐心

照顾孩子可能是最重要的事,但是伴侣不像孩子一样依赖您,所以您会很容易忽视伴侣。尽力关心伴侣的需求,即使是非语言的表示,因为这些简单的行为可以表达您在关心对方。当丈夫或妻子帮忙照顾孩子时,您要更有耐心对待对方,这有益于积极肯定对方的行为,并且也可以减少与孩子相关的争论。

 

#5: 鼓励孩子独立

当孩子独立后,夫妻二人可以共度美好时光。培养孩子的独立性,让孩子爱上独自玩耍,这能帮助孩子享受个人空间和时间。这是一件双赢的事,父母能在工作结束后或周末品尝美酒或互相沟通,而孩子们也会逐渐锻炼生活技能。人人都是赢家!

 

#6: 规划夫妻时间,不要感到愧疚

规划夫妻时间听起来容易,但许多父母可能会因为离开孩子而感到内疚。无论是个人发展还是作为夫妻,父母都需要独处时间,并且父母这一角色只是他们的多重角色之一。有意安排独处时光能让夫妻二人对生活有所期待(如:内啡肽、快乐的荷尔蒙和浪漫约会!),这些珍贵时刻也让夫妻二人更加珍惜。这肯定能让婚姻中的两个人都感到幸福。

 

#7: 请人帮忙照顾孩子

规划夫妻时间听起来容易,但是谁来照顾孩子呢?可以向值得信任的成人寻求帮助,请他们在你们独处时帮忙照顾孩子。知道孩子有人照顾,父母能更放心地共度独处时光。你们需要做的最后一件事就是开始讨论如何把孩子交给信任的人,以获得更多的独处时间。

您在有孩子后是否也细心呵护着自己的婚姻呢?

 

#8: 明白婚姻的各个阶段

婚姻就像孩子成长的里程碑一样,也有各个不同的阶段。在最初甜蜜浪漫的蜜月之后,第一个孩子出生之前,你们的生活比较随心所欲。随着逐渐成为父母,您的伴侣可能会在一段时间里居于次要位置,但请记住,孩子是爱情的一部分。孩子一定会为您的婚姻增添乐趣!

 

#9: 不要羞于在孩子面前拥抱和亲吻

谁说只有中学生才能公开秀恩爱?在孩子面前拥抱和亲吻的已婚夫妇会重视用身体接触表达爱的重要性。肢体接触在健康的人际关系中非常重要,正如我们完全可以用身体接触来表达对孩子的爱一样,爸爸妈妈用身体接触来表达对彼此的爱也是正常的,只要适宜孩子就可!

 

#10: 再次坠入爱河

是时候重温浪漫,与您承诺誓言的挚爱再次坠入爱河啦!随着孩子的到来,夫妻会很容易忽略维护婚姻关系。挤出时间让二人独处,在人生旅途中作为夫妻和父母感受另一半的陪伴和爱。

婚姻和养育子女一样,需要付出努力并细心呵护和保护。婚姻是一场神圣的结合,需要满满的爱,因为我们要在婚姻和人际关系中做孩子的好榜样。在充满爱的婚姻中养育全球宝宝,使孩子能够茁壮成长并向他们的榜样学习。

您是如何在有了孩子之后巩固婚姻的?也与我们分享您的看法吧!

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For Parents Toddlers

Life with Kids – 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Parenthood is a life-changing experience for a couple.

Before the kids came along, you probably spent most of your time on intimate conversations, planning holidays and date nights. Now that your hands are busy with diapers or an active toddler, when was the last time you even held hands?

Don’t forget to enjoy time together as a married couple even after becoming parents!

With little mini-me’s who are dependent on your care, and an avalanche of baby-related topics to talk about, the focus on each other as a couple may seem like a flickering flame. So, what can parents do to strengthen their marriage and keep romance alive? After all, you were a couple first before becoming parents, and connecting as individuals keeps the relationship glowing and going.

#1: Think of each other

This might sound easy, but when we are caught up in the busyness of our multiple roles and responsibilities, and focused on getting things done, we probably spend very little time thinking about our better half. Send her a text in the day to say, “I love you”, or, get your wife’s favourite cake to surprise her at the end of a long day. Think of your spouse and let her know that! Thoughts translate into actions towards filling our partner’s love tank, and it is a wonderful feeling to know that someone is thinking of you too, isn’t it?

 

#2: Speak the right love language

Remember those days when it was just the two of you, and how all that fuzzy lovey feeling was like? Your partner’s love languages are most likely to be the same as before, even with the kids who are vying for your love. According to Gary Chapman who coined The 5 Love Languages, men and women have diverse ways of “feeling” loved, so take a minute to remember what makes your spouse tick. Was it: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts or quality time? These little steps go a long way in helping to keep the marriage going.

 

#3: Creative communication techniques

Parents often spend most of the day apart from each other, but that should not be a reason for the lack of communication. With technology and some creativity, it is easy to stay connected with your spouse and keep things fresh. No time to meet during the day? Have a quick 5-minute chat, or, send a text via WhatsApp, WeChat, Viber and add a cute emoji, or a funny selfie. It is always nice to feel appreciated for our roles in the family, just like how these mums are sharing their heartfelt thoughts about their husbands for being together as a team. That would help brighten up your husband’s dreary day at work, knowing that his partner for life is always there.

Children are like our pillars in a marriage, where our love is built upon and grows from.

 

#4: Be more patient with your spouse

Caring for the kids may be a priority, and it is easy to neglect an adult since he or she is not as dependent on you like the kids. Make effort to pay attention to your partner’s needs, even those non-verbal cues, as this little action helps show that you care. Being more patient with your husband or wife when they help with the kids would help affirm their actions positively, and reduces arguments over the children too.

 

#5: Encourage your kids’ independence

Sneak in pockets of time together when the kids are on their own. Letting the kids develop independence, and enjoy activities on their own allows them to appreciate their own personal space and time too. It is a double win, and both adults get to raise wine glasses and catch up with each other at the end of the work day, or over the weekends, while the kids establish life skills over time. Sounds like a winner!

 

#6: Plan couple time and don’t feel guilty

Scheduling in couple time sounds easy, but many parents may feel guilty for being away from the children. Parents need time away whether for individual growth or as a couple, and being a parent is only one of the multiple hats they wear. Deliberately planned time together gives both of you something exciting to look forward to (think: endorphins, happy hormones and dates!), and precious quality moments like these are better cherished too. That certainly makes for two happy lovebirds in the marriage.

 

#7: Get help with the kids

Planning for couple time sounds like the easy part, so, what do you do with the kids? Enlist support from trusted adults who can help care for your little ones when both of you are spending time together. Knowing that the children are in good hands helps make the quality couple time a better one. The last thing you need is to start an argument over the idea of “outsourcing” the childcaring to get more time together.

Are you nurturing your marriage even after having kids?

 

#8: Understand that there are stages in a marriage

Just like our children’s developmental milestones, there are stages in a marriage too. Post-honeymoon period during the initial wave of all-things-romantic, things may have gotten a little routine until your first child came along. With the new role to grow into, the spouse in you may have taken a back seat for a while, but remember that children are part of the love equation. Pretty sure that the children added some spice to your marriage too!

 

#9: Don’t be shy about hugging and kissing in front of your kids

Whoever said that public display of affections are reserved for secondary school kids? Married couples hugging and kissing in front of their kids are simply reinforcing that physical affection of love is valued in the family. The human touch is important in healthy relationships, and just as physical affection with our children is completely acceptable, it is surely normal between daddy and mummy – just keep it child-friendly!

 

#10: Fall in love all over again

It is time to bring back romance and fall in love again with the very person whom you pledged your vows to. With children in the family, it is easy to neglect working on the marriage. Take time to celebrate the both of you, and enjoy the company and love of your better half on both journeys as husband-and-wife, and mum-and-dad during this lifetime.

Like parenting, marriage is a lifelong path which takes effort and commitment to nurture and protect. Marriage is a sacred union that needs just as much love, as we set ourselves as healthy examples to our little ones about marriage and relationships. Raising happy, world-ready children in a marriage of abundance allows children to thrive and learn about from their role models too.

How do you fuel your marriage even after having children? Do share your tips too!

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